AT HIS FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY,

AT HIS FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY, LEX LUTHOR GAVE HIM A MYSTERIOUS GLOWING GREEN STONE

It seems the Germans have a musclebound, five-year-old Superboy in their midst. Though it sounds like the most accurate analogy isn't to Kal-El, but to one of the X-Men. Get this:

The discovery . . . represents the first documented human case of such a mutation. Many scientists believe the find could eventually lead to drugs for treating people with muscular dystrophy and other muscle-destroying conditions. And athletes would almost surely want to get their hands on such a drug and use it like steroids to bulk up.
As for the kid, "Doctors worry he could eventually suffer heart or other health problems." On the bright side, government researchers have promised his parents that while of course they plan to keep the boy captive for years in their subterranean lab, they will insert some nifty adamantium claws in him.

Since this is fundamentally a service blog, I feel obligated to offer some advice: Should your own child suddenly develop superhuman powers, keep it a secret, raise him well, and sew him a nice costume.

June 23, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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