Produced by Gary Drevitch
COME FOR THE GARDEN, STAY FOR THE PARTY
By now, everyone should have Dan Zanes in heavy rotation on the family phonograph. The nice thing about his four CDs for kids is that not only is the music great - not too folky, not too sweet - but he gets his celebrity guest stars to play within his system; Phil Jackson should have consulted him during the NBA Finals. Singles like "Erie Canal" (with Suzanne Vega), "Waltzing Matilda" (with Debbie Harry), "Wabash Cannonball" (with Bob Weir), and Zanes' own ultra-sincere version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" are all Small Fellow favorites without an ounce of condescension.
You should also join Zanes' mailing list, so you can find out things like: He'll be performing free ($3 suggested donation) in Prospect Park at 5:00 on Sunday July 18 in his only area show this summer, and, further, all four family CDs will be on sale for $12 each for the next 2 weeks.
"THE LINK IS AN ABSOLUTE GOOD. THE LINK IS LIFE."
FLORA, FAUNA, AND FELLOW
Apologies to anyone seeking photos of Small Fellow and Tiny Girl yesterday morning who found none. Our friends at Network Solutions explained that it was a "very rare" glitch and corrected it while we fumed in real time on the phone. Not only are those pictures back online today, but a heap of new photos have just gone up, featuring scholastic and extracurricular adventures, holiday celebrations, and marsupial mimicking.
Still dealing with the fallout from a shocking Father's Day here at fd.com. The day began with lovely gifts and heartfelt sentiments from all involved, but was later marred by a stunning breach of etiquette by Loving Mother. Spotting a half-discarded Sunday NY DAILY NEWS at the ATM, she offered budding baseball fan Small Fellow this week's Yankee poster insert featuring Hall of Famer Tony Lazzeri. Lazzeri was a charter member of Murderer's Row who lived with epilepsy and a preposterous nickname ("Poosh 'em up Tony") and died far too young. Having said that, Small Fellow is being raised a Red Sox fan and handing him a Yankee poster is like putting Jenna Bush's Long Island Iced Tea on a Michael Moore coaster. And it will not stand. The offending image has been confiscated, but to make it up to Fellow, Freelance Dad is searching eBay for a vintage size 5 "Pitchers Pay the Price When They Face Jim Rice" T-shirt.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU, YOU LOOK LIKE SHREK'S DONKEY, AND YOU SMELL LIKE HIM, TOO
Mark Caro at The Chicago Tribune puts his finger on one of the fundamental problems with Father's Day: The cards suck. You can't go wrong for Mother's Day: There are thankful cards, flowery cards, and humorous cards that poke fun at the sender, not the recipient. But for Dads, it comes down to just a few categories, seemingly frozen in 1964: "Happy Father's Day: I'm sure you'll spend it fishing or golfing instead of teaching me how to get in touch with my feelings, you worthless bastard." Or: "Dad, this is how I picture you: A fat, beer-swilling, TV-watching zombie in a La-Z-Boy. Why can't you love me like you love your Michelob?" Or, as Caro details in encyclopedic fashion: "Dad, if you're going to keep passing gas, please just slip your paycheck through the mail slot and sleep on the lawn, will you?"
TOMORROW IN SLATE, "LETTUCE: WHAT HAS IT DONE FOR US LATELY?"
Chris Suellentrop looks into the perennial debates over milk, which are suddenly back in the spotlight, showing once again that a little inflation is all it takes to spark a wholesale reevaluation of a product that is unquestionably beneficial for children (in moderation, in its 1% form for everyone over age 2, and not for those who are allergic).
Having said that, the question of whether the government, through agricultural subsidies and the school lunch program, pumps too much dairy fat into Generation Wide is a valid one, and you can guess where PETA stands. On the other hand, as Brookings reminds us, the 1946 National School Lunch Act is about as good as government gets.
MILLION-DOLLAR IDEAS, PART ONE
Tiny Girl took sick last week, with what was eventually diagnosed as an ear infection. But a late-night vomit episode early in her illness inspired this Million-Dollar Idea, the first of several we plan to offer gratis here at fd.com:
Since Tiny had consumed only milk that evening, what she later liberated from her belly was a concoction with the exact smell, color and texture of fine feta cheese. This of course led to my dream of a vast feta-factory full of grumpy, sleep-deprived toddlers, all fed nothing but whole milk, milling about their pens with small cheesecloth-lined pails around their necks, like so many Dickensian Golden Geese, all helping me wrest control of the vast North American Greek salad industry . . .
THIS JUST IN: EXERCISING AND EATING LESS SEEM TO WORK
I suppose there are worse things you could do to try to get your kids to lose weight - like putting them on Atkins.
AND YOUR WIFE COMPLAINS ABOUT HER LABOR?
She's got nothing on my gal Blanca.
DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED
A case of defining-down negligence? Remains to be seen; later reports indicate both the father and son in this case might be mentally challenged. Still, a scary item.