ON NEWSSTANDS NOW We have

ON NEWSSTANDS NOW

We have a small item in the August issue of Parents in which we evaluate new portable DVD players for families hitting the road this summer. We think headphone-equipped portable players can be excellent distractions for small children, especially those traveling on airplanes, where both their whining, and parental attempts to stop it, could disturb other passengers. On the other hand, the growing acceptance of built-in (and dual-screen!) DVD systems as standard features on SUVs and other family assault vehicles says absolutely nothing good about us as a society. Look out the window, for the love of the Pete! Get a road sign or license plate spotting game! Sing along! Talk!


MILLION-DOLLAR IDEAS, PART TWO

While we're on the subject, shouldn't Nickelodeon or ABC Family team up with Dick Wolf to produce the first family-friendly forensics series, "Law and Order: SUV"? Every Tuesday night, the show opens with the discovery of an abandoned utility vehicle on the side of the road, with no sign of the passengers. Our hard-bitten detectives immediately start searching for clues:

- Detective, we've got some Cheerios and raisins on the carpet here.
- Get those to the lab now and do a full tox screen!

- The EZ Pass is still in the glove compartment, ma'am.
- Bag it, and bring it in. Let's find out where this family has been. Maybe that'll help us figure out where they've gone.

- No signs of forced entry, but we've got a ducky blanket on this car seat.
- And there's a Raffi CD still in the sound system - still warm.
- Where were you going in such a hurry, Smith family?

- Sergeant, something strange about this car seat on the right - it's too hard.
- And this one on the left - it's too soft.
- Check. But this one in the back - it's just right.

- I hate this job.
- Keep it to yourself, Goldie. You signed on for this duty.
- I know, and I'd never walk out on you. But I go to bed every night, and I smell porridge in my dreams.




July 19, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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