EXCLUSIVE SECRETS TO WEIGHT LOSS

EXCLUSIVE SECRETS TO WEIGHT LOSS SUCCESS WILL BE AVAILABLE FROM FD.COM AS SOON AS WE HAVE SOME SUCCESS

We've written about it, everyone else has written about it, it's no secret, but the moms and the dads who were raised to clean their plates because of the damn starving kids in Bangladesh are now clearing their kids' plates, and then comes the fat. Doc La Puma tells it like it is, and hurts our feelings:

"'... Throw away every morsel of food the kids left behind.' Parents say, "It'll
go to waste; I'll drink it." That means you are a trash can,' he says. 'You are
more important than that. You are trying to protect your health so you will be
around for your kids.'"

ACTUAL, LEGIT, NO JOKE ADVICE ALERT

The more daylight your baby gets in the afternoon, the better prepared she'll be to go to sleep at night. So apparently Tiny Girl must be kept locked in the Batcave all afternoon. . .


PAY ATTENTION: THIS IS AS CRUNCHY AS WE GET

For the love of God, can't we all just give up gift wrap for one holiday season? The Journal had an article the other day (not available online) called "Gift Wrap Goes Over the Top" which detailed the hottest trends in "flocked, metallic and glittery paper."

"It's the first thing everyone sees," says Lawrence Louis, president of the Gift
Wrap Co. of Atlanta, one of the country's oldest gift wrap makers. "I've cringed
when I've gone into some houses where they've spent so much money on tress,
ornaments and decorations and they have ugly or boring wrapping or gifts. It
ruins a beautiful presentation."

Thank you for your comments, Beelzebub.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, where do we begin? Wrapping paper is wasteful. It's excessive. It's expensive. It's non-recyclable. It is appreciated for mere seconds, if that, and then torn to shreds and thrown in the landfill. Newspaper could do the job. Reusable gift bags could do the job. This is how Rome fell, people.


BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE SEA MONKEYS

Inexplicably popular new critter-gowing kits for kids have gone beyond sea monkeys to encompass hissing coakroaches, butterflies, frogs, pill bugs, and the like. Yeah, yeah, it satisfies the kids' curiosity. Yeah, yeah, it's just like a pet - a pet in a lucite box which, if it got loose, would force you to have your house gassed. But, no, it's not for us. When we read that these critters, when fully grown, "like the hissing cockroaches, [which] aren't native to the United States ... must be killed instead of released into the wild," it gives us. . . pause.


THIS ONE STRICTLY AN "IN CASE YOU MISSED IT" ITEM

The maker of Lionel trains, partly owned by rock god Neil Young, filed for bankruptcy protection a couple of weeks back, done in by a costly lawsuit, the "Polar Express" movie, and its own clinically insane price points.

December 6, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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