RIGHT. THE LAST THING YOU

RIGHT. THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS TO HAVE YOUR PARKING FINES GO INTO SOME BIG POT THAT PAYS FOR HIGHWAY REPAIRS AND POLICE SALARIES.

Boston gives its oft-ticketed drivers the opportunity to pay their fines with a donation of equal value to Toys for Tots and everyone the Boston Herald talks to about it completely loses perspective. We begin with this Marine involved with Toys for Tots:

Marine Sgt. Maj. Rudy Wieners said he knew of no other city in the country that offers a similar ticket exchange to benefit Toys for Tots. . . . "These toys go to needy kids. And it's bad enough to get a ticket, but at least you feel the money is going to something that means something rather than being thrown in a big pot up there in Boston,'' he said.

And now let's hear from an average citizen who knows the value of a dollar:
Marcia Harris, of Cambridge, showed up at City Hall on Wednesday with stuffed animals, a yo-yo and other toys to pay off her $36 violation for an expired meter. She said she was initially irritated to get a ticket . . . . The meter maid . . . described an alternative way to get out of it. "I thought the paper would say I could go protest at City Hall,'' Harris said. "This was much better. I would spend two-for-one, I think this is such a great idea.''

ANOTHER ILLUSTRATION OF THE INHERENT DANGER IN THE OLIVE GARDEN'S BOTTOMLESS PASTA BOWL

Fill in your own, when-you're-here-you're-family joke here.


WHY NOT JUST GIVE THE MEN TUBEFARE HOME?

Britain's legendary Marks & Spencer department store infantilizes its male customers by putting them in a playpen while their wives shop. If there was still any lingering doubt, we think we can now truly say the sun has set on the British Empire.


NINE MILLION AMERICAN KIDS ARE WAITING TO EXHALE

In another sign of the reversal of the American Dream, we continue to produce a next generation less healthy than the one that preceded it - 12 percent of U.S. kids have asthma, and according to Newsweek, most of them don't know how to properly medicate themselves. The hopeful news: If they did, they would all be "symptom-free most of the time."


ALSO, AVOID PURCHASING SNACKS LABELED "OBESITY BLASTED," "FACE STUFFING," OR "GLUTTONOUS GUSH"

Makers of foods popular with kids, including Quaker Oatmeal (et tu, funny hat guy?), are upping the calories on many popular snacks and then infusing their labels with terms like "blasted," "XL," or "Mega." The Journal properly labels the fat-friendly trend as an "insidious" increase "that likely will go unnoticed." That is, unless you start reading food labels like a crazy person - which we will begin doing now.

December 13, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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