SEVERAL NIGHTS, YES, VERY SAD.

SEVERAL NIGHTS, YES, VERY SAD. BUT A FEW NIGHTS, HERE AND THERE, ACTUALLY, PRETTY HAPPY. . .

Freelance Dad (as we strolled through the Upper East Side, passing two apartments where FD lived when he was a single fellow): This is the building where Daddy lived by himself, before he lived with mommy!

Small Fellow: Were you very sad when you were living all alone?


BUT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, WE WERE HAPPY, AND THEN DO YOU KNOW WHAT MADE US VERY, VERY, VERY HAPPY? . . .

Well, for us, it was the birth of Small Fellow. But to read most of what's written about new families these days, we're the exception. This piece from the Journal analyzes why kids are an obstacle to married bliss, which they may be for many people. The claim is that marital satisfaction after the first baby's birth is 42% lower among Gen X parents. A key factor? The accumulation of debt as new parents buy expensive, unnecessary gear like the suckers they are. Another? The sudden lack of time together alone.

FD's prescriptions:

1. Don't buy all that stuff. You need a stroller, some diapers, and some plastic bags. The rest is commentary.

2. The crisis of dwindling alone time after baby comes could be a sign of marital stress. Alternately, it's a sign of selfishness. You're supposed to LIKE having a baby around, even if it means you get stroked less by your partner because he or she is stroking the new arrival.


NEXT ON FOX: "URINALYSIS." AND TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR "LOVELESS MARRIAGE"

This is not so much a VCR alert as it is a "Wife of Lot, if you loved 'Wife Swap,' our next program will turn you into a pillar of salt!" alert: On Jan. 3, just in time for everyone to toss in the hopper any hopes that 2005 would be a slightly less debased year than any of the several annos previous, Fox foists upon us "Who's Your Daddy?" in which an adopted young adult faces a panel of eight men, one of whom is her real father, the other seven of whom are . . . IMPOSTORS! If she picks her real dad after three rounds, she gets $100,000. If she eventually picks an impostor, the impostor gets the money. But watch out for Possible Daddy Number 5: If you pick him, he'll tell you he's your father, and then touch you inappropriately in the parking lot!

THE FREELANCEDAD.COM CONFUCIANISM FOR THE DAY: IF YOU COMBINE A MENORAH WITH A CHRISTMAS TREE, YOU'RE LIKELY TO START A FOREST FIRE

Chrismukkah is catching on among families eager to put off serious discussion of their religious differences for years by subverting them with silly ideas cribbed from a teen-sex soap opera. Could be worse, we suppose: You could adopt a holiday from "Seinfeld."

December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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