WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT SPONGEBOB'S

WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT SPONGEBOB'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, BUT WE DID OVERHEAR CHARLIE THE TUNA TALKING TO SIGMUND THE SEA MONSTER IN THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE CHINA CLUB SATURDAY NIGHT, AND HE SAID, "SIGMUND, QUEEN, YOU ARE LOOKING DANGEROUSLY HOT TONIGHT. YOU ARE LOOKING SPONGEBOB-WORTHY!"

Is SpongeBob really gay? If you've seen the enormous media coverage this week, you know that's not the issue. The issue is that Sr. Squarepants has gotten himself mixed up in a music video promoting tolerance and that has the WWJD crowd in an uproar. FD.com predicted weeks ago that this all-star kids-show recording of "We Are Family" would come to have little impact on society. Guess we were wrong.


EARLY NOMINEE FOR FD.COM QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"If Vermont Teddy Bear had produced a bear with a noose around its neck saying, 'I'd love to hang with you,' and called it a Ku Klux Klan teddy bear, the response would be overwhelming disgust and horror," said Anne Donahue, a [Vermont] Republican state representative.
Well, yes, we suppose she's right. But happily, the R&D boys up at the Vermont Teddy Bear Company did not create a Grand Wizard bear. They did, however, create the new "Crazy for You" Valentine's Day bear, which comes wrapped in a straitjacket, with a "commitment tag" reading "Crazy for You." The cuddly kook has drawn fire from all four corners of the state and from national mental health organizations. However, VTBC will continue offering the bear, which has so far been a top seller, partly due to the controversy. What we love is how the promo copy on the company's Web site almost goads its critics. "Trust us. She’ll go nuts over this Bear!" the site says, then does not go on to exult, "She'll run with scissors! She'll foam at the mouth! She'll take a school bus hostage!"

January 24, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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