O, SAY, CAN YOU -- LINE!

Jeep and the National Association for Music Education have launched a national campaign to get Americans singing the national anthem, an apparent response to a poll that shows two-thirds of U.S. adults don't know all the words to the song. What are those Americans missing? Here's what Kurt Vonnegut had to say about the lyrics in "Breakfast of Champions":

There were one quadrillion nations in the Universe, but the nation Dwayne Hoover and Kilgore Trout belonged to was the only one with a national anthem which was gibberish sprinkled with question marks.

As for those Americans who DO know their broad stripes from their bright stars, the campaign's Web site reports:

Many of those who do say they know the words say they learned patriotic songs in music class. The National Association for Music Education wants all Americans to know our National Anthem and take pride in singing it together - and wants all Americans to have access to music in school!

Now, we support music education in the schools. In fact, it's our sixth- or seventh-most-favorite kind of education. But we're not sure the greatest benefit to our children would be devoting classroom time to learning the anthem. Small Fellow is going to learn the words the same way his father did -- at a baseball game.

IN THE FUTURE, A SCHOOL BULLY WILL BE ABLE ESCORT YOU TO A BANK BRANCH CONVENIENTLY LOCATED OUTSIDE THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM SO YOU CAN TRANSFER YOUR LUNCH MONEY DIRECTLY INTO HIS ACCOUNT AND AVOID ANY LATE FEES

For some reason, high schools, middle schools, and even elementary schools are giving away public space within their buildings, for as little as $1 a year, so that banks can establish branches on their campuses and generate brand loyalty among the most vulnerable consumers. On the plus side, bank executives and duped school officials say, these branches could help foster sorely needed "financial literacy" among children -- even though schools have actually been teaching the basics of economics for years without actually letting naive students put their credit ratings at risk before they reach puberty. On the down side? THEY'RE OPENING BANKS INSIDE SCHOOLS!!

WHICH IS JUST ONE REASON WE'VE GOT TO TEACH TINY GIRL TO HOLD HANDS AND NOT TRY TO RUN INTO THE STREET

A new study highlights the sharp increase in the risk of mental illness and mood disorders among parents who have lost a child.

April 1, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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