LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE GIVE YOU ... THE DULLEST PRESCHOOL IN AMERICA

This year's winner is the Nutritional Sciences Preschool at Rutgers University, perhaps the nation's only preschool with a curriculum focused on nutrition. As you can imagine, it's quite a dynamic place, as was in evidence during a reporter's recent visit:

"Versions of the Food Guide Pyramid, in wood, plastic and fabric, are everywhere."

OK, so the decor is compelling. But how's the brainwashing coming along?:

" 'We love broccoli!' [said] 3-year-old sisters Sara and Molly Balsamo of Milltown."

"5-year-old Justin Najimian of East Brunswick told a visitor everyone should eat lots of bananas and apples."

"I'm telling you, they love fruit, they will eat vegetables," [said preschool director, Harriet Worobey].

"They'd kill for me!" Worobey did not go on to say.

AS YODA WOULD PUT IT, "SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS KIDS DO"

Tiny Girl loves her hand-me-down copy of Lucky Ducks, the battery-powered game in which you place a dozen ducks around a pond, press the button, then grab the ducks as they pass, turning each over to see if it is one of the three with a bottom that matches the color on your game card. It's a game you can play cooperatively or competitively (more on that later).

B00000iwib01_sclzzzzzzz_1

But the other day, as we were reading and Tiny was playing her own solitaire version of the game, we suddenly heard an ear-piercing shriek.

- What's wrong, Tiny?
- Fellow turned off my LUCKY DUCKS!
- Fellow, why would you do that and make your sister so sad?"
- "Well ... it's because ... I really didn't want her ... to use up all the batteries ..."

AND NOW, THE SUBWAY REPORT

As we rode out to Queens for a family outing last weekend, Fellow exulted in the opportunity to look out the windows of the Number 7 train. Tiny shared his enthusiasm, but for some reason was very concerned that we not take the train to the end of the line. And so, every few minutes, in the middle of the crowded car, she'd yell to us, "Daddy, I don't want to go all the way!" We urged her to please hold that thought until she was 17 ...

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THERE'S THIS LEVEL OF OUTRAGE FROM A PEOPLE WHO SPELL "PENALIZE" WITH AN S

Fourteen-year-old Brits taking national standardized English tests this year will not be penalised for any spelling errors. And the Telegraph is outraged.

IF THEY COULD PROGRAM IT TO PLAY "CAILLOU" REPEATS IN A CONTINUOUS LOOP, WE'D NEVER EAT BETWEEN MEALS AGAIN

Coming soon to a kitchen nowhere near us: The astoundingly unnecessary TV Refrigerator, the icebox with the built-in idiot box.

IN A RELATED STORY, PATIENTS GIVEN A TERMINAL DIAGNOSIS OFTEN BOOK VACATIONS, THEN ASK THEIR TRAVEL AGENTS TO CONTACT THEIR DOCTORS TO FIND OUT WHETHER TO BOTHER BILLING THEIR CREDIT CARDS

Certain Manhattan parents who don't want to know the sex of their babies in advance are choosing two sets of nursery accessories - blue and pink - then instructing sales clerks to call their OBs to find out which set to order and have ready to deliver when the baby arrives.

Susan Johnson, co-owner of Blue Bench, in TriBeCa .... said one pregnant customer asked her to share the secret only with her mother. "She wanted to have the nursery painted, carpeted and decorated in time for the baby, but didn't want to know herself," she said. "So every day when she went to work, her mom came to her apartment and worked on the room, then padlocked the door before leaving. For months, she lived with a padlocked nursery."

Just a hunch here: That's not the last padlocked room this customer's going to be dealing with.

MAMAS, DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE VENEZUELAN BEAUTY ACADEMY STUDENTS

In pageant-mad Venezuela, parents send girls as young as 7 to the many beauty academies dotting the nation's cities. And while the academies claim their lessons can prepare a girl for any career, the bottom line is: hotty good, homely bad. As one instructor told the Times:

" 'There are people who say that beauty is not important, that what's important is what's inside. But who is going to get close enough to an ugly woman to ask what's inside?' "

Sadly, not even her mother.

May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

Comments

The comments to this entry are closed.