COME FOR THE DINO FRIES, STAY FOR THE - WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM? - OH, YEAH, FOSSILS

Roaming the dial, we just caught the New York 1 Parenting Report, a low-budget TV minute featuring hyperactive "Parenting Consultant" Shelley Goldberg. (Out of Towners: NY1 is a local cable news channel.) Goldberg's report today was on the smash exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History, "Dinosaurs: Ancient Fossils, New Discoveries." She began with an  in-depth look at ... all of the dino-shaped and dino-imprinted tchochkes available at the museum's Dino-Shop, from masks to umbrellas, without once mentioning the content of the exhibit they accompanied. But she must have gotten around to the exhibit eventually, right? Wrong! She continued, "And when you're done with the Dino-Shop, you can take in ... The Dino-Cafe!" and then launched into a detailed presentation of the museum cafeteria's dino-shaped plates, cookies, and chicken fingers. And so ended today's edition of the Parenting Report.

It's a bit like covering the Civil War by reporting on the commemorative pewter chess set.

SO GET YOURSELVES DOWN TO ERNIE JOHNSON BUICK FOR OUR CONSTITUTION DAY BLOWOUT! EVERYTHING ON THE LOT IS PRICED TO MOVE! ERNIE IS THE PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE OF SAVINGS!

Mark your calendars: Sept. 17 is now Constitution Day and Citizenship Day in America's schools, thanks to a little-noticed 2004 law, and our AP correspondent notes the irony:

The Constitution long has ensured that Congress can’t tell schools what to teach. But that’s no longer the case for at least one topic — the Constitution itself.

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On Sept. 17, all public school students will be required to learn something about the Constitution, and although compliance will be on the honor system, some critics have spoken out against the mandate:

In middle school or high school, for example, schools may have to interrupt lesson plans, said Dan Fuller, director of federal programs for the National School Boards Association. “You may have to leap from the Civil War or Vietnam to the Constitution,” Fuller said.

Dan, we can't agree with you on that. Everyone knows that since Vietnam happened after World War II, most history classes will never get to it, and certainly not in September.

AND, NU, A LITTLE MANIACAL TOTALITARIANISM COULDN'T HURT, EITHER

North Korea makes a great leap forward, tells its children: Candy is good for you. Given that the candy in question is made of made of seaweed, beans, carrots and sesame seeds, it just may be, but North Korea's starving kids, all things considered, would probably be happy just to get a few pieces of bread.

WHAT THIS TEAM REALLY NEEDS IS AN EQUIPMENT MANAGER, OR AT LEAST A MANAGER WHO CAN MANAGE HIS EQUIPMENT


A baseball coach who led his team to a Florida state championship last season has lost his job after an unusual locker-room pep talk which involved dropping his pants in front of the lads. (via fark.com)

WHEN AN OLD LADY CAN'T STOP GETTING NEW CATS, WE CALL HER THE CRAZY CAT LADY. SO ... ANYONE WANT TO COIN A TERM FOR THIS GAL?


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This 57-year-old great-grandmother just gave birth to twins, who were conceived by in vitro fertilization because - wait for it - she didn't want her six-year-old boy growing up an only child. To the surprise of no one, the proud new mom's several adult children had no comment.

May 26, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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