FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET SMALL FELLOW READ THIS REPORT - HE'S LIABLE TO PUT THE FILTHY THING BACK IN HIS MOUTH

The American Academy of Pediatrics has concluded that pacifier use prevents SIDS, and now advises parents to allow babies to use pacifiers at nap and bedtimes. This has predictably led to controversy among hardcore pacifier foes, but as Dr. John Kattwinkel, head of the AAP's task force on SIDS, quite reasonably points out, the group's evidence is compelling, and "to not call this to the public's attention would be irresponsible."

OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE ALL OLD AND MEAN AND WRINKLY, YOU BIG BULLY!

Gawker reports that Si Newhouse took one look at the infant on the cover of the premiere issue of Cookie - his new magazine for parents anxious to spend too much on their babies - and said, "I think that baby's too fat."

JIM HENSON DIDN'T NEED TO GO TO AMERICA FOR PERMISSION TO ADD THE SWEDISH CHEF, DR. BENSON HONEYDEW, OR STATLER AND WALDORF THE CAST OF "THE MUPPET SHOW"

In their eagerness to drive the revered Muppet franchise right into the ground, Disney is planning to bring you "America's Next Muppet," a five-episode series modeled on "American Idol" in which home viewers will vote one which proposed character should be the newest member of the Muppet family. Below, the most dispiriting sentence we read today:    

Since acquiring rights to the Muppet characters in 2004, Disney has been pursuing various ways to relaunch the popular brand as part of an overall corporate goal.

THIS HAS OFFICIALLY PASSED "ALL THE GUYS LOOKING UP HER SKIRT" AS OUR NUMBER ONE REASON NOT TO ALLOW TINY GIRL TO BECOME A CHEERLEADER

As further evidence of a trend that has been developing for years, Newsweek reports an alarming increase in cheerleading injuries over the past decade, including a doubling of emergency-room visits for cheer accidents. Further,    

catastrophic injuries—those involving severe skull or spinal damage—are also on the rise, according to the National Center for Catastrophic Sport Injury Research (NCCSI). Of the 101 such injuries among female high-school and college athletes between 1983 and 2004, the center reports, 55 percent resulted from cheerleading.

October 26, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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