SINCE WE HEARD THIS DECISION, WE'VE PREPARED A SET OF SANDWICH BOARDS FOR SMALL FELLOW TO WEAR WHILE STANDING OUTSIDE OUR HOME:
   "I ATE WITH MY HANDS. THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT."
   "I CHEATED AT UNO. THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT."
   AND, "I DUMPED THE WATER OUT OF THE BATHTUB. THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT."

Without comment, the Supreme Court declined to hear the case of a California man appealing the punishment he received for stealing mail from a post office in 2001. In addition to two months in prison, a U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals judge in San Francisco also decreed that the man had to stand outside a post office for 100 hours wearing a sandwich board that read: ''I have stolen mail. This is my punishment.''

The man was appealing the sentence on the grounds that it was cruel and unusual - not to mention lame.

FREELANCE DAD DILEMMA OF THE WEEK

Fellow starts up the up escalator at Barnes and Noble, immediately after we ask him to stay with us. We call out to him to tell him to come right back down, and he says, OK, but instead of going all the way up, and then returning down the other escalator, he just races down the up staircase, with impressive speed and deftness. Do we: continue the discipline, or just move on, secretly impressed with his youthful agility? You make the call.

WELL, WE'LL BE DARNED. SMALL FELLOW AND TINY GIRL WERE RIGHT ABOUT PRODUCE ALL ALONG

Kids who refuse to eat their fruits and vegetables just might be on to something - according to the Center for Science in the Public Interest, produce contaminated by bacteria from manure fertilizer now causes more food-borne illnesses than raw chicken or eggs:

“Pathogens can adhere to the rough surfaces of fruits and vegetables, so consumers should take precautions, such as washing produce under running water,” the report said, adding people should “still eat plenty of produce.”

What? No! I don't WANT it! Noooo!

THOMAS AND HIS FRIENDS ARE A REALLY USEFUL CREW - BUT ONLY IN THE BACK SEAT

As of January 1, the great state of Illinois will have a law on the books barring drivers from viewing movies or games on screens in the front seat of their vehicles. The new measure inspired this purple paragraph from the suburban Chicago Daily Herald:

The law targets in-dash monitors that, police and lawmakers say, have helped turn the state's highways into a rolling movie house featuring everything from Thomas the Tank Engine to video porn.

Wow, we have definitely got trouble, right here in River City.

November 30, 2005 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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