Produced by Gary Drevitch
IN OTHER NEWS, EMILY ELIZABETH WILL BE REPLACED IN THE NEXT "CLIFFORD" MOVIE BY THE KID FROM "THE BOONDOCKS"
Disney's coming out with a new Winnie the Pooh cartoon, in which Christopher Robin will be replaced with a sassy red-headed six-year-old tomboy:
"[T]he feeling was these timeless characters really needed a breath of fresh air that only the introduction of someone new could provide," says Nancy Kanter of the Disney Channel. "Christopher Robin is still out there in the woods, playing ... We hope people will fall for this new tomboyish girl. The last thing we want to be is the ones who brought the franchise down."
Christopher Robin is still out there in the woods, playing?! But not with Pooh? Then who is he playing with? Is he all alone? And is he keeping away from bees? You know, he has a terrible bee allergy and Pooh always carries Christopher's EpiPen with him when they go out searching for honey! Mommy, I'm scared for Christopher Robin! What did the mean lady from the Disney Channel do to him?
IT'S TIME TO PLAY, "JOURNEY TO ERNIE" - THE GAME WHERE ERNIE HIDES (A CORPSE) AND BIG BIRD SEEKS (IN THE WOODS)
He didn't learn this on Sesame Street: A murderer tries to hide his victim's body in woodlands owned by CTW performer Caroll (Big Bird) Spinney.
AND YOU STILL WON'T LET YOUR TWO-YEAR-OLD CLIMB A FLIGHT OF STAIRS?
A Missouri skydiver plunged 3,000 feet and landed face first when her parachute malfunctioned, yet not only did she survive, but the fetus she didn't know she was carrying is also doing fine.
LIKE WE'VE SAID SO MANY TIMES, AT 37 CENTS APIECE, THE UNITED STATES FIRST-CLASS STAMP IS ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREAT BARGAINS
The U.S. Postal Service wants families to know how they can help children address letters to God and/or Santa Claus this holiday season. And in quite a neat trick, the Post Office also promises that "[t]he USPS will see that the letter is received at the proper place." Really? Hey, taxi! Follow that truck!
EEEEWWWWWW! EEEEWWWWWW! EEEEWWWWWW!
A randy young man from Marseilles
Went a-dating on the Web one day.
Prince of Pleasure was his sobriquet,
He met a young thing named Sweet Juliette,
But she turned out to be his mom. Oy, vey!
Yes, a young Frenchman carried on a six-month online dalliance with his own mother. They both used aliases, and after she sent him a picture of herself - actually, a model scanned from a magazine - he just had to meet her. "I really started to fall for her ... She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic ... Mom says she was falling for me, too."
Now, there are two things we love about this story: One, this all would have stayed their embarrassing secret, never to be spoken of again, if only they hadn't planned their rendezvous for a restricted beach -- where a policeman cited them for visiting after dark! And, two, guess what? Mom's still married to Dad!
[H]is father Paul -- Nicole's husband of 27 years -- wasn't too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes. "Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again," said embarrassed Daniel.
Twenty bucks says Brendan Fraser and Kathy Bates star in the movie.
December 14, 2005 | Permalink |
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