WHY DON'T YOU START BY TEACHING TODDLERS THAT TALKING ENDS WITH A G?

Allow us to introduce the Talkin' Sipster, a new $6.99 Playtex product which serves no possible consumer need. This spill-proof sippy cup "talks to your toddler, helping them learn new sounds and letters," because Lord knows, you can't be bothered to talk to her while she's drinking milk. Near as we can tell, Playtex is hoping that you or a sitter will screw up and put the cup's detachable bottom - which houses its electronics and speaker - in the dishwasher or microwave, thereby destroying it and disappointing your child so much that you have to run out and buy a new one. Frankly, it's not such a bad business plan. . .

"MR. SPEAKER, THIS ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT TUNA SNEAKS INTO OUR COUNTRY FROM SOUTH OF THE BORDER, TAKES THE SHELF SPACE OF OUR PROUD DOMESTIC TUNA, AND THEN INFECTS OUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN WITH MERCURY. I SAY TO YOU THAT THIS IS NOT WHAT OUR FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED WHEN THEY WROTE THE CONSTITUTION."

Although parents and women of child-bearing age are already limiting their and their kids' intake of white tuna, a new warning from environmental watchdog group Defenders of Wildlife claims that tuna imported from Latin American countries like Ecuador and Mexico have a much higher mercury concentration than fish caught elsewhere, so . . . you already know the drill: read your labels to see where your tuna was caught, stick to the domestics, limit servings to once a week, but don't forget to give your kids fish for the omega-3 fatty acids, etc., etc., etc.

July 13, 2006 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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