FD.COM: SPECIAL HALLOWEEN EDITION

All Hallows Eve arrived and as if on cue, scary stuff has been happening all over the land.

CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS AND THE LAME LEADERS OF LONG BEACH

26086790 On Superhero Day at Long Beach (NY) High last week, a trio of senior gals were booted from school for wearing the home-made Captain Underpants costumes at left. The girls fashioned their outfits from beige leotards, nude stockings,  white briefs, and red capes. That was too much for principal Nicholas Restivo, who said the outfits looked so much like nude skin that they caused a commotion among students. We've looked at a half-dozen photos of the costumes in questions and sorry, but we didn't feel any commotion.

FOR TRICK-OR-TREATING THIS YEAR, MIGHT WE SUGGEST DRESSING AS A BAD ROLE MODEL?

16beer1_600x329 An Oregon Macy's found itself in deep grog after a local substance-abuse prevention group found the store peddling T-shirts in the teen section reading, "Beer: It's What's for Breakfast," and the like:

The next day, Aug. 17, Federated announced they would remove the shirts from every Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s in the country.

See, everyone? The rapid consolidation of our nation's department stores isn't so bad after all.

TO BE SURE, THEIR OLD TRICKS AREN'T PARTICULARLY WELCOME ON THANKSGIVING, EITHER

Interesting NY state Division of Parole item:

The [state] wants to make sure sex offenders aren't up to their old tricks when children are looking for treats this Halloween. The 1,983 sex offenders under supervision of parole officers are subject to special restrictions on October 31. Starting at 3 p.m. or immediately after they get out of work, all sex offender parolees must stay in their homes until 6 a.m. They aren't allowed to wear masks or costumes, participate in any Halloween activity, or open the door to trick-or-treaters. . . . New York state has placed special restrictions on sex offender parolees on Halloween for about 10 years. . .


RIGHTS TO THIS STORY HAVE ALREADY BEEN PURCHASED BY THE PRODUCERS OF THE "SAW" SERIES*

[shocked and appalled emphasis added]

CHICAGO -- A judge in a case closely watched by those who oppose circumcision sided yesterday with a divorced man who did not want his 9-year-old son to undergo the procedure. . . . The father said he believed surgical removal of the boy's foreskin could cause long-term physical and psychological harm. The child's mother wanted the procedure to prevent recurring infections. She testified that the boy had suffered five bouts of painful inflammation and had begged her to help him.

* [By the by, when all the teenagers came back to school from the weekend yesterday, did any of them find it odd to be asking each other, "Did you see Saw?"]

"H--H-HELLO?"
"SIR, THIS IS SERGEANT SACKER. LISTEN TO ME. WE'VE TRACED THE CALL. . . IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE YOUR PANTS."

The number of hours a man talks on a cellular phone each day may affect his fertility, with sperm count and quality deteriorating as the duration of calls increases. [Scientists] tracked 364 men who were being evaluated for infertility . . . . those who used a cell phone more than four hours a day produced on average 66 million sperm a milliliter, 23% less than those in the group who didn't use the phones at all. The proportion of the cell-phone users' sperm that possessed "normal forms" was 21%, almost half the 40% of normal sperm produced by men who didn't use the phones. . . . "The effect of cell phones on sperm parameters may be due to the electromagnetic radiation the devices emit or to the heat they generate," the group said in a summary of the research.

THIS YEAR'S MOST POPULAR COSTUME IN INDIA? AMERICAN TUTOR

One of the mandates of the federal government's wrong-headed, ill-executed No Child Left Behind Act is that students at schools on the Fed's list of schools needing to improve can apply for supplementary tutoring services. States hire outside contractors to provide the services,  who are then paid with federal funds.

The contractors are also required to submit a list of employees (including their Social Security numbers) so that the Department of Education can perform background checks. One tutoring service, however, which had been serving more than 2,000 New York City children with tutors it claimed were based in Texas, was derelict in submitting its staff list. And now the city knows why: Its 250 tutors were all based in India. The company's multimillion-dollar contract with the city has  been suspended and, to add insult to injury, the New York Sun felt obligated to add:

A co-owner of Socratic Learning, Mythili Sridhar, who is responsible for training the company's tutors, admitted in a letter after an investigation was launched last summer that the tutors did not live in Texas. Ms. Sridhar, who trains the tutors, wrote that they "tutor from there homes," failing to correctly spell the word "their."

October 31, 2006 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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