TINY GIRL: GETS ALONG WELL WITH OTHERS. AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD.

We took part in fall parent-teacher conferences for both of the large kids yesterday, and was pleased to receive good reports all around. Tiny's teacher had asked the pre-K students to make drawings of what they did in school, that could be shared with their parents at the conferences. Tiny had instructed her teacher to caption her drawing, "I'm holding the baby in the Drama Center." When the teacher showed it to us, we immediately responded, "EVERYWHERE Tiny goes is the Drama Center."

In a related story, Tiny's teacher did say, diplomatically, that Tiny "liked things just so." Hmm. That reminds us: We promised her we'd buy a plain bagel on the way home from work today, because we got mixed up this morning and gave her half of an everything bagel, and her brother half of  plain bagel for breakfast, instead of vice-versa, as she had requested. Which led to several minutes of what we've come to call Morning Wrath.

OOH! OOH! CALL ON US! WE KNOW THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR THIS PRODUCT!

The Journal yesterday reported (article is firewalled) on a new product called Milkscreen. Invented by a pair of Texas mothers and retailing for $20 to $27, Milkscreen promises to tell nursing moms within two minutes if there is alcohol present in their breast milk. If the product's test strip registers alcohol, the mom is advised to refrain from feeding, wait an hour, and then test again. It sounds like the perfect thing for responsible "Cosmopolitan Moms" to use after a mid-afternoon Happy Playtime Hour on their suburban patio.

(Actually, lactation consultants told the Journal the product is superfluous if moms, presuming they've only had one drink, just wait two to three hours after they've finished it to feed again.)

"NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING, MIND YOU, BUT I'VE ALSO GOT A TOUCH OF LUMBAGO TODAY."

It's been a while since we checked in on The Decline of Miss Jane E. Brody, but yesterday she delivered what may be the ultimate Personal Health nut graph:

Yes, indeed, my sneakers are now a size 7, with a strong arch and a wide, high toe box to accommodate my spreading forefeet, a hammertoe and an incipient bone spur on my left foot, and a tender big toe with a chronic nail fungus on my right foot.

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SEEMS TO HAVE THE SAME EFFECT ON THE CHILDREN HERE AT FD HQ

Serious Public Health Warning of the Week:

Doctors and parents should watch for signs of bizarre behavior in children treated with the flu drug Tamiflu, federal health officials suggested  on Monday in citing an increasing number of such cases from overseas.    

Food and Drug Administration officials do not know whether 103 cases recently reported, including three deaths from falls, are linked to the drug or to the flu virus, or to a combination. Most of the cases involved children.

Still, F.D.A. staff members suggested updating the Tamiflu label to recommend that all patients, especially children, be closely monitored while using the drug. They also acknowledged that stopping treatment with Tamiflu could harm influenza patients if the virus were the cause of delirium, hallucinations and other abnormal behavior like aggression and suicidal thoughts.

Most of the cases of bizarrity are from Japan, but US officials will still watch the situation closely because, as the AP notes, Tamiflu is expected to play a key role in public-health strategies should there be a breakout of avian flu.

WE'VE GOT TWENTY BUCKS FOR THE FIRST HIGH-SCHOOL KID WHO ASKS A GIRL, "HEY, GIMME TWO MINUTES AND I'LL BETCHA I CAN FIND WHERE YOU'RE HIDING YOUR NOKIA."

New York City students, eager to defy the city's inexplicable ban on cellphones in school, have apparently taken to hiding the phones in their bras and unmentionables to get past front-door searches:

"It isn't hard for girls at all. We just put the phone in our underwear," said Veronica, 16, from Martin Luther King High School in Manhattan.

November 16, 2006 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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