Suc30034PICTURES ARE READY

Click here, or on the "See the Kids" link at the top of the page, for a fresh dozen or so photos of Small Fellow, Tiny Girl, and Little Guy enjoying their summer.

As always, scroll to the bottom of the page for the latest images.


ONLINE HUMOR MAGAZINE CAPTURES DESPERATION OF SUMMER CAMP COUNSELORS

Counselors at Wallalongabanka Sleep-Away Camp say a potentially dangerous outbreak of homesickness has been contained in Mallard Cabin, where campers infected by "sudden acute attacks of missing their parents" were safely quarantined Saturday before the disease could spread. . . . Mallard Cabin group leader Mike Essl. . . . confirmed that the bodies of the four campers who succumbed to the homesickness outbreak were incinerated according to CDC guidelines.

COME TO FD STATE U. FOR MODERN DORMS, NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING INSTRUCTORS, AND A POWERFUL ALUMNI NETWORK. (FAT CHICKS NEED NOT APPLY.)

There's been a virtual avalanche of research this month on the profound effect obesity has on the physical, emotional, and apparently academic lives of young people. Now comes word from a University of Texas researcher that obese girls have a harder time getting into college than their svelte peers:

Using college enrollment as a measure of academic success, University of Texas at Austin sociologist Robert Crosnoe found that obese students had a worse experience at school than their thinner peers and were less likely to attend college, and that the effects of being overweight hurt girls far more than boys.

Obese girls were only half as likely as non-obese girls to go to college after high school, and were even less likely to enter college if they went to a high school where few other students were overweight, says Crosnoe. But obese girls who went to high school with a sizable overweight population — where heavy girls represented about 20% of the student body — had normal odds of attending college. "The more it makes you stand out from the crowd, the worse it is," says Crosnoe.

HOWEVER, IF YOU SHOULD EXPERIENCE CIRCUMCISIONS LASTING LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS, CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY

Refuting decades of locker-room speculation, researchers have determined that circumcised men experience no less sexual sensation than those with original-recipe phalluses. If you're like us, you immediately wondered how researchers came to this conclusion, and perhaps imagined that a comely research assistant spent long nights "in the field" hopping from Semite to Gentile and back again, videotaping every encounter for the boys back in the lab to review. Sadly, that wasn't the case:

The study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, looked at a group of 40 men, half of them circumcised. Using sensory testing, the men were monitored at two points on the penis and the forearm while viewing erotic films. Thermal imaging was used to measure sexual arousal.

THE SAME PARENTS OFTEN PACK THEIR CHILDREN'S LUNCHBOXES WITH EMPTY BOXES OF ANIMAL CRACKERS AND SEND THEM TO THE PLAYGROUND WITH DEFLATED BASKETBALLS, SO THEY CAN TRULY EXPERIENCE WHAT LIFE IS LIKE FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE

Tristate area couples working out issues with their own emotionally withdrawn parents are apparently joining the movement to throw birthday parties without presents for their kids. As the Times reports:

In part to teach philanthropy and altruism, and in part as a defense against swarms of random plastic objects destined to clutter every square foot of their living space, a number of families are experimenting with gift-free birthday parties, suggesting that guests donate money or specified items to the charity of the child’s choice instead.

The Times had no trouble finding people who thought the trend was ridiculous, from Miss Manners, who insists that "you can't spend other people's money," to other observers who correctly envision a future where parents compete with each other to send the most money to the trendiest charities while their kids continue to doodle away on a four-year-old Etch-a-Sketches.

Might we suggest, though, that if parents really want to teach their kids about philanthropy, why not skimp a little on appetizers or goody bags at the birthday party and then set aside, say, $50 that a child can then donate to a charity of his or her choice, after a discussion of options with mom and dad? Or why not encourage a kid to go through his or her bedroom the week before their party and choose some never- or lightly-used toys and books to donate to family programs in the area? Both would help kids associate their birthday with a time to be thankful for what they have and express that by sharing their good fortune. And—it would still allow them to get presents from their classmates.

One thing the avant-garde parents are forgetting is how birthday presents can help kids bond with their classmates, especially when they become old enough to pick their friends' presents on their own. We know that Fellow and his first-grade pals often discussed the presents they got each other—and sharing their favorite board games, or baseball or Pokemon cards with each other at birthday parties helped the boys learn more about their common interests and come closer together, even if it meant a few less dollars for the Central Park Conservancy.

Ratatouille_sm_01WE GUESS THIS EXPLAINS HOW THE COMPANY COULD PRODUCE A 110-MINUTE MOVIE ABOUT A PARISIAN KITCHEN WITHOUT A SINGLE GITANE IN SIGHT*

In the most explicit announcement by a Hollywood studio, Chief Executive Robert A. Iger said Wednesday that [Walt Disney Co.] would snuff out depictions of smoking in Disney-label films.

* [PS: Are we the only ones who were a little uncomfortable with the premise of this movie? We mean, it is about a rat, who cooks food for unsuspecting people, and who is helped in that endeavor by all his little rat friends. We know, the whole idea is the triumph of this little guy who overcomes the most deeply ingrained stereotypes to become a hero. But there are actual, you know, health reasons why people try to keep rats out of their kitchens, and, sure, cute rat and all, but we didn't see any little latrines installed for the climactic scene when Ratatouille's army of cousins take over the restaurant's kitchen. Maybe it's all just Pixar's way of saying, We're so much the gold standard for animation right now that we could make a cartoon about a rat chef and still do $300 million in worldwide box office. So maybe its next movie will be about a cuddly pedophile who defies all odds to run London's most popular day-care center? Speaking of which. . . ]

IT JUST KILLS US THAT THIS GUY'S SITE IS GETTING MORE HITS THAN FREELANCEDAD.COM NOW THAT IT'S BEEN FEATURED ON PAGE ONE OF THE TIMES

The search for the self-described pedophile in the large-brimmed black hat commences nearly every day here, with findings posted on chat rooms frequented by mothers. . . . And yet unlike convicted sex offenders, who are required to stay away from places that cater to children, in this case the police can do next to nothing, because this man, Jack McClellan, who has had Web sites detailing how and where he likes to troll for children, appears to be doing nothing illegal. But his mere presence in Los Angeles — coupled with Mr. McClellan’s commitment to exhibitionistic blogging about his thoughts on little girls — has set parents on edge.

July 31, 2007 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

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